Changing Times

My second strongest earliest memory is one at a daycare center. I was 4 or 5 at the time and still in diapers.

In fact, that was one of my mom’s favorite phrases in those days. “He’s still in diapers.”

I am not sure if she said it so often because she was trying to shame me, or it stemmed from her own embarrassment and shame.

It was however, also a statement of fact: I was still in diapers up until the age of 5.

In those days, it was VERY noticeable when a child was still in diapers.

The thick cloth diapers along with the waterproof plastic (rubber) pants made a considerable amount of bulk and girth in the seat area and thighs.

There was no concealing a diapered child in 1963.

I do not remember the name of the daycare center, nor do I remember getting my diapers changed there. (Although I obviously did have my diapers changed given that I was there for a full day and still in diapers.)

What I remember was coming into the daycare center with my mom, holding her hand as she led me in the front door. I remember a receptionist/director sitting at a desk close to the front door. I vividly remember her looking at me in mild surprise and disbelief, asking my mom, “Is he still in diapers?”

Of course she already knew the answer.

I remember her looking down at my pants and seeing the bulk and girth of cloth diapers and rubber pants “concealed” under my denim jeans. I also remember intense feelings of embarrassment and shame.

My mom (and I vividly remember this) explained to the lady that I was 4 and still in diapers because quote, “He wants to act like a baby, so I put him back in diapers.” I also remember my mom saying things about how hard it is to potty-train boys and their stubbornness.

I remember she had excuse after excuse to give this lady, trying to convince her that she was a “good mom” who had a 4 year-old little boy in diapers and rubber pants.

My mom, years later, told me how embarrassed she was in having to explain to caregivers, babysitters, and daycare centers that I was 4 years old and still in diapers.

I remember (again, vividly) that the lady explained to my mom that I would have to go into the 2 year-old room, because the 4 year-olds were all potty-trained.

It was only in the toddler room for 2 year-olds where they could diaper me and had changing tables. So they took me to the toddler room. That is where the memory ends.

I mostly remember the embarrassment.