Changing Times

Technically, I never had a “nanny.”

We didn’t have much money when I was born.

My birth-mother worked all of the time. As a result, I was often in the care of others, dozens of various babysitters, (who could be called “nannies”) and women who had small at-home daycare’s when I was a baby from birth to the age of 4 or 5 when I was still in diapers. (I was in diapers and rubber pants until the age of 4 or 5)

The human mind is a fascinating thing.

As a baby/toddler in diapers, my mind was recording everything that I experienced, and yet, as an adult, those memories and experiences are difficult to access.

Who were these “shadow nannies?” Who were these women who cared for me and changed my pants when I pooped them while my birth-mother was busy at work? The truth is I don’t know.

Their faces are a mixture of light and shadow. I can see them (almost) in my mind’s-eye, but they never quite come fully into focus. They stay in the shadows, just out of view.

Yet I can see an outline.

A plump, middle-aged, German or Norwegian woman.

She has short hair, wide hips, a big bottom and a bosom. But who was she? What was her name? What were the names of the other women who cared for me? Did they love me? Did they give me what my birth-mother could not? I do not know.

But they exist. I see them.

Their wide hips, their big bottoms. Their motherly smiles.

They wiped my poopy bottom and powdered me with sweet-smelling baby powder. They diapered me with cloth diapers and rubber baby pants. They brought me love and comfort when I cried for my mommy.

I remember them.

Yes, the human mind is a fascinating thing.